My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
