i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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