is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
