I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dicks are not precious.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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