I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
