He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
