Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
