By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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