I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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