you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
