Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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