My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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