I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
