So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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