u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
