omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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