Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
