Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
