Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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