Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
