dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
