do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
