If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
