i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
