we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
