I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I came so hard my ears popped.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
