I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
