There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
