I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
