I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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