My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
