in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm always down for nudity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
