we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
