yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
