I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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