I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
