is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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