They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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