then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
