I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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