how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
