Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
