Is it normal to miss your booty call?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
