Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize