Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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