he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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