If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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