i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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