i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
