I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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