From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
