I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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