Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
