I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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