I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
