Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
