Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
