im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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