I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
