I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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