I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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