the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
