what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
