kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
