i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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