phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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