We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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