Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I puked a lego.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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