I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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